Since I was a teenager God has ALWAYS always spoken to me through music. Whether it be a song on the radio, a song at a concert, at church… or even a song I wrote myself. I don’t sing or write or play music as often as I did before, or as often as I would like… but He still reaches out to me and speaks to me through song. On my worst days I can rely on Him to bring me back to the surface with an uplifting song. Today was no different.
I haven’t written anything personal in a while, and for good reason. On March 18, J was asked to resign from his job. We were NOT prepared. Not even a little bit. We used our entire tax refund to pay off debt, to purchase things the kids needed and a few other things we needed for our home. We thought we were being responsible by paying off that debt, and now we have nothing. Our emergency fund is depleted, J is still looking for a new position, and while thankfully he found something to get us by temporarily, it does not pay anywhere near what he was getting before.
It’s been scary and stressful and we feel like the world is just falling down on us. It seems like every day has thrown something new and even more awful at us. Boogie and Bubby’s insurance wasn’t renewed as it was supposed to, so we had to deal with that. The puppy, Arrow, you may have “met” on my Facebook fan page started getting sick, we took him to the vet over and over and over… and then J lost his job and we could not financially keep taking him and hoping they found what was wrong with him. So we had to take him back to the rescue that we adopted him from, it was heartbreaking… my children were devastated. A lot more than that has happened, it just feels like we can’t get our heads above water again.
Today was one of those days where I just wanted to throw in the towel. We had a good morning, I took Boogie (and Bird) to her ballet class, Bubby spent the morning with Mamaw and J went to work. We got home and we had to balance our checkbook register and figure out what bills to pay this coming paycheck and what not to pay. Let’s just say the “not to pay” list is too long. After that, as he tends to do when things get stressful, J popped his head back into his tortoise shell, so to speak, and hasn’t surfaced yet. I tried to explain to him that while things are stressful and not fun right now… life still goes on. It keeps on trucking and we have to just hang on for the ride. But sometimes it just doesn’t feel that easy.
We had to run to the home improvement store down the road to pick up a few things to fix our pantry and my clothesline, so we were going down the road and I was explaining that to J and this song came on the radio:
These are the lyrics I heard as I finished my conversation with J…
Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me “son
Stop fighting a fight it’s already been won”
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I’m not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I’m redeemed
I’m writing this with tears streaming down my face… because of Christ, because of His sacrifice and His suffering… I am REDEEMED. He set me free so that I could shake off all of this stress, anxiety and worry… those heavy chains are gone, the stains are washed away… and I am REDEEMED.
What are the chances that this particular song, on this Easter weekend, would come on as storm clouds started clouding my mind? When all I wanted to do was just go home, lock myself in the bathroom and cry? His timing is perfect and He has a plan for my life, our lives. So like I told J… I’m just going to hop on, hang on for dear life, and keep on trucking until this hard period passes. God is on my side, and He’s showing that to me little by little.
How has Christ spoken to you? I’d love to hear how He has blessed your life! God Bless, and Happy Easter! HE IS RISEN!Thank you so much for checking out Mustard Seed Mommy - be sure to check out my social media sites at the right side of this site!