I came to the realization today that basically… I’m happy. Yes. Happy. Despite everything Justin and I have endured in the past year or so, all the crap this house has given us… I’m happy. Why? Well first of all… because I have an AMAZING Father who I know is cradling me in His arms. Second… I have a fabulous husband who is supportive, loving, and caring… and Third. The third reason is what really touched me today. I’m happy because as I’m studying and reading and taking all these notes I know that its leading me to my dream job. I’ll be able to teach children and leave an impact on their lives just like my teachers did with me. I get to spend lots of time with the Flint Monsters… which is preparing me for my own children someday… and I know that once I graduate and find a teaching position… my husband and I can finally buy a house or build a house and settle down in ONE place for the rest of our lives. I look forward to that! But for now… I’m happy with where I am and what I’m doing… because it’s leading to the rest of my life. I am BLESSED.
My sweet granny has been very sick. I don’t want to go into the whole story… but she has a fever again today and this is NOT good. Each time she gets sicker, pulls through but doesn’t get back to her normal self. It’s slowly tearing her apart. So I just wanted to ask everyone to prayer for her…. if she could just make it long enough for one more Christmas that would be an incredible blessing.
Ok. This is possibly one of the most unbelievable things that has ever happened to me… and I know it’s all because of my Savior! J and I were freaking out… we were going to have enough money to pay our bills…. but NOT enough to buy groceries or put gas in our cars. Literally… I had one thing of ground beef, condiments, and some soup in my kitchen. Well yesterday I noticed that online, our bank showed that we had over 300 dollars in our account… which was strange because everything I had recorded had gone through. So I told Justin that I would find a spreadsheet and rerecord everything and check my math. Back in September I got a refund from AB Tech, it was a nice chunk of money that helped fix up our house. Well apparently when I recorded one of our purchases I subtracted a little too much. We have had over 300 dollars in our account this entire time. We bought groceries, put gas in our cars, and Mudgett is getting his final puppy shots tomorrow 🙂 I learned a valuable lesson. I know now that no matter what happens God IS and forever more will be by my side. I know that he caused that little hiccup in my checkbook and I KNOW he did that to teach me this lesson. GOD IS GOOD. ALL THE TIME!
So this week has been rough… well who am I kidding? This YEAR has been rough! So I’ve been down in the dumps and ofcourse feeling sorry for myself. And then I hear this song…
It’s like POW! In your face Sarah! I will praise you in this storm… and that’s what I should be doing, so last night I did. I even made a video of myself singing (but I will NOT be posting it… because when I start REALLY singing and feeling it… I look CRAZY!). So here I am. Letting everything go.
I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it’s still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, “I’m with you”and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. And I’ll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I’ve cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to Youand raised me up again my strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can’t find You and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain “I’m with you”and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I have constantly struggled with fully relying on Christ from day 1. I am a control freak. There I admitted it. I like things to go MY way, and if they don’t go my way, I totally freak. (Just ask my husband! LOL) I am working on finding a way to remind myself to let things go and let God handle it. Something I have thought about a lot is getting a tattoo on my wrist, obviously at the moment I can’t afford one, so it’s out of the question, but it’s still something I think about. Don’t you ever feel like you need a constant reminder that says to you, “Remember GOD is in control.”? I thought about getting some sort of bracelet or ring that could remind me, but I have just never gotten around to it. I’m struggling with contentment, I’m struggling with letting go of control, and I’m struggling with listening to God’s call for me. I feel like my life is a constant back and forth pattern where I am constantly changing my mind because I think I’m doing what God’s asking, but then I’m thinking maybe that’s not what He meant? I’m trying whole heartedly (is that a word?) to listen to Him, and find His words for me… but it is so hard! Another thing I am really struggling with is comparing my life to those around me… I have to stop doing that. My life is grand, I have an amazing husband, precious puppies who I adore, a roof over my head and food in my pantry… yes there are things missing from my life that I still want more than anything, but I have to keep telling myself that for now, I am content. I need to be content. God is in control. Perhaps I should just go find a permanent marker and right God is in control on my wrist…. maybe more pondering from me later.