Being Mommy is Hard.

I’m going to attempt to put into words what I’ve been feeling lately, if not for myself but for someone else out there that may need to read it or feel that they aren’t alone. I’ve been struggling a lot lately and honestly I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it is except that I’m overwhelmed and lost and lonely… and so many other things.

J is considering going back to school, he is leaning towards Computer Science, which if you know his current career you’ll know that that is a HUGE difference from what he’s been doing. He’s worked really hard to get to where he is as a Certified Dietary Manager, but let’s be honest… this job runs our life. There are days, like today, when people don’t show up and he’s stuck filling in because no one else is willing to help out. So he’s there ALL DAY. He misses out on so much of our children’s lives, but what else are we supposed to do? With this new endeavor however I’m afraid of how much more time he is going to miss, and frankly I don’t like feeling like a single parent. I will not discourage him from pursuing his dream though, I want him to be happy and I want him to succeed. It’s going to be hard for all of us, but I know he can do it.

With that said, thinking about J following his dreams and pursuing goals that better our family it’s made me really think about what I’m doing. So I’m sitting here at my desk this morning, the kids were screaming and yelling at each other, Bird was asleep on my lap after an unusually long nursing session and I had just received an email from J stating that he was going to have to work a double. I lost it. Tears pouring, heart pounding, sweating… those same emotions coming up that I thought had went away. Anxiety attacks are the WORST. What am I doing? What is my purpose? Is this all my life is going to be? Changing diapers and refereeing fights?

I know. I KNOW. Being a mother is so much more, and truly, honestly I LOVE it. But every now and then I find myself questioning that. What exactly am I doing as a child of God? Is my sole purpose to raise my children up to know Him? Am I supposed to be doing something else? I have so many dreams, so many that I have to put on the back burner until my babies are old enough to not need me as much. I’ve dedicated myself as a homemaker, stay at home mommy, home school teacher, etc…. but some days I feel like I’m just treading water.

As I’m typing all of this out, Bird is again asleep on my lap, Boogie is asleep, and Bubby is screaming at me from his room. It’s bedtime and he fights it with everything that he has. He is EXHAUSTED, and I HATE making him stay in his room and scream. The pain that that brings me is unreal, I’ve never let my babies cry it out or left them long to fuss, it’s just not in my nature to do that. But I know that in Bubby’s case, the moment I walk in there and comfort him and walk away again… it’ll start over and repeat, over and over and over. This sweet boy of mine is so hard to parent, I love being his mommy, but being his mommy is not for the faint of heart. He challenges me and overwhelms me and makes me scream at the Lord, “Why?!”

But then… that little boy takes my cheeks in his chubby hands, kisses my lips and says, “I love you so much mommy.” Or he will look up at me with those beautiful hazel eyes and smile that cheeky little smile of his and it is all worth it. It’s hard, so very very hard, but so very very worth it.

I know I’m just going on and on about random things, but I hope that someone out there reads this and knows that they aren’t alone. Being a mommy, especially to strong-willed little ones…. is hard. It’s incredibly scary, it’s overwhelming and if you’re anything like me… some days you have to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry. Some days it takes everything I have to not turn on Netflix and let them sit like zombies in front of Wild Kratt’s all day. Because being mommy is hard. So very very hard.

Will you pray for me tonight? I’m praying for you.

Three and Counting

Do you know what drives me insane? No, really, what truly drives me mad? Being told over and over and over that my hands are full. It’s not true! Sure, there are days when I feel like I’m drowning in this life of a mommy and days when I think I’m not cut out for this God given job. But then I look at the faces of these three beautiful, precious babies and I know… my hands could never be full with them.

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You see, God puts desires in our hearts, we don’t always know what they are at first, but slowly He reveals them to us. If you ask some of the people I spent time with in high school, they’d tell you that I had no intention of having babies. Don’t get me wrong, I loved kids… as long as I could give them back at the end of the day. Then I met my future husband and God started knitting those little desires and placing them in my heart.

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And one by one they keep coming and blessing my life more abundantly than I ever could have dreamed. Those desires, those beautiful, precious desires… and we’re not done yet. I believe that when in my heart I feel done having these babies that that is when the Lord says I’m done.

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So, you see, it drives me CRAZY to hear someone say, “Boy, you have your hands full!” Because no dear one… my hands are not full. My hair may be frazzled, my clothes unkempt, my eyes a little crazy; but my hands are busy and well used. These hands of mine change many diapers, soothe boo-boos, braid hair, brush away tears, cradle babies… and I could go on and on. These hands are far from full, just very very busy. My heart… it’s full, but I guarantee you I can make room for one or two or three more.

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So, next time you see a family of three, or four, or five… or MORE, don’t tell them they’re hands are full. Instead tell that frazzled, unkempt momma that she is doing a good job. Tell that crazy-eyed daddy that he’s abundantly blessed, because we don’t need to hear you say our hands are full. Nothing could be further from the truth.

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Out with the Old…. In with the New…

I’m sure you’ve noticed the lack of personal posts in the past year. I’m not going to lie.. blogging has become a chore. I’ve had a lot more products offered up for reviews and giveaways and I guess I felt obligated to do it. That’s going to stop. I have 5 or so reviews due this month, two of those will include giveaways… but after that I’m going to limit those to baby/kid specific items and probably one (maybe two) a month. Beyond that this blog is going back to what it used to be. About our growing family! When Boogie and Bubby were itty bitty like Baby Bird I posted monthly updates on them, and as you can see… Baby Bird has been left in the dust when it comes to those updates. I want to be able to make a book with all of our family posts for our children to have when they grow up… so that has to change!

So what’s to come? Probably a few posts about my boy. Bubby is by far my most challenging child, this little boy of mine has a nice set of lungs on him, it feels like lately all he does is SCREAM. And when I say scream, I mean blood curdling, ear breaking SCREAMS. It’s awful. And honestly, I haven’t a clue as to how I’m supposed to handle that.

There will be posts about home schooling, Boogie is 4, and we will be starting more kindergarten based stuff when the public schools start back in August. Though we won’t be on the same schedule, I wanted to have time between now and then to get my act together in regards to school.

I’m hoping to go back and post some late updates on Baby Bird, she’s growing like a weed! Can you believe she’s almost 5 months old! Yikes! Where did the time go?

So… bear with me as I get back to my old blogging self! Toodles!

Shaking Off These Heavy Chains

Since I was a teenager God has ALWAYS always spoken to me through music. Whether it be a song on the radio, a song at a concert, at church… or even a song I wrote myself. I don’t sing or write or play music as often as I did before, or as often as I would like… but He still reaches out to me and speaks to me through song. On my worst days I can rely on Him to bring me back to the surface with an uplifting song. Today was no different.

I haven’t written anything personal in a while, and for good reason. On March 18, J was asked to resign from his job. We were NOT prepared. Not even a little bit. We used our entire tax refund to pay off debt, to purchase things the kids needed and a few other things we needed for our home. We thought we were being responsible by paying off that debt, and now we have nothing. Our emergency fund is depleted, J is still looking for a new position, and while thankfully he found something to get us by temporarily, it does not pay anywhere near what he was getting before.

It’s been scary and stressful and we feel like the world is just falling down on us. It seems like every day has thrown something new and even more awful at us. Boogie and Bubby’s insurance wasn’t renewed as it was supposed to, so we had to deal with that. The puppy, Arrow, you may have “met” on my Facebook fan page started getting sick, we took him to the vet over and over and over… and then J lost his job and we could not financially keep taking him and hoping they found what was wrong with him. So we had to take him back to the rescue that we adopted him from, it was heartbreaking… my children were devastated. A lot more than that has happened, it just feels like we can’t get our heads above water again.

Today was one of those days where I just wanted to throw in the towel. We had a good morning, I took Boogie (and Bird) to her ballet class, Bubby spent the morning with Mamaw and J went to work. We got home and we had to balance our checkbook register and figure out what bills to pay this coming paycheck and what not to pay. Let’s just say the “not to pay” list is too long. After that, as he tends to do when things get stressful, J popped his head back into his tortoise shell, so to speak, and hasn’t surfaced yet. I tried to explain to him that while things are stressful and not fun right now… life still goes on. It keeps on trucking and we have to just hang on for the ride. But sometimes it just doesn’t feel that easy.

We had to run to the home improvement store down the road to pick up a few things to fix our pantry and my clothesline, so we were going down the road and I was explaining that to J and this song came on the radio:


These are the lyrics I heard as I finished my conversation with J…

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me “son
Stop fighting a fight it’s already been won”

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I’m not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I’m redeemed

I’m writing this with tears streaming down my face… because of Christ, because of His sacrifice and His suffering… I am REDEEMED. He set me free so that I could shake off all of this stress, anxiety and worry… those heavy chains are gone, the stains are washed away… and I am REDEEMED.

What are the chances that this particular song, on this Easter weekend, would come on as storm clouds started clouding my mind? When all I wanted to do was just go home, lock myself in the bathroom and cry? His timing is perfect and He has a plan for my life, our lives. So like I told J… I’m just going to hop on, hang on for dear life, and keep on trucking until this hard period passes. God is on my side, and He’s showing that to me little by little.

How has Christ spoken to you? I’d love to hear how He has blessed your life! God Bless, and Happy Easter! HE IS RISEN!

Yochi Yochi Portable High Chair/ Child Harness Review

Before we had Bubby, all we had known about taking our children out was that Boogie always stayed with us, she sat in her high chair or regular chair and didn’t stand or jump or try to get away… she was very good out in public. Then we had Bubby and Bubby started walking… and sitting in a high chair. It took a little longer for him to ride in a buggy because normally I just wore him… but he was completely and TOTALLY different than his older sister!

We discovered early on that the buckles in buggies and high chairs would not confine our little man. He stood, he jumped, he turned around backwards, he tried to escape… boys are SO fun!

Now that we have our third precious baby (and she truly is an angel), it’s even more prudent that we find a way to keep our son safe. When I came across the Yochi Yochi Portable High Chair Harness I just knew I had to try it… surely it could help us a little, right?

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That picture is what sold me on this product. Yes! That little boy is doing exactly what my Bubby has done SO MANY TIMES in the store. And when you finally get him to sit down, he SCREAMS. It worked ladies and gentleman. that little harness kept my son in the buggy through an entire grocery trip. He didn’t like it, he might have screamed a little for the first 5 minutes, but once everything was said and done, he was SAFE, he was SECURE, and the trip ended on a happy note after all.

Fast forward to today when I tried to take pictures of him in his chair with it on. Yea… that so didn’t happen. I guess it’s one thing to use it in public, at home… no uh.

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I’m not sure that you can tell, but both kids pitched a fit. First Asher, then when I asked Elah to help… nope. So, introducing Bear… the bear.

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He cooperated very well. I do think this will come in handy for Baby Bird someday as it has for Bubby. I much prefer to use this instead of the grimy, dirty buckles in the restaurant high chairs and store buggies. Sure, I could use a buggy cover… but seriously, who carries those around? We had one with Bubby and Boogie and it NEVER got used because we ALWAYS forgot it. At least here I can wipe down the cart or chair, and then use this instead of the yucky buckles!

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As you can see, it fits most chairs, and it can also function as a child harness, or as we call them… a leash. We will not be using ours for this purpose but if you choose to do so… go for it!

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You can purchase one of these at Amazon by clicking the image below, it’s $26.99 and eligible for Prime shipping (and FREE returns if you aren’t satisfied with the product!).

I received a free product for this review, all opinions are mine and mine alone.