I apologize for my previous rant. You ever just have one of those days? That is why I LOVE this blog. No limits! I can rant and rave and fight through my emotions until I feel better and nobody can stop me! What’s even better is that I know despite my anger and disappointment… I am forgiven. Forgiven for every sin committed, forgiven for every slip of a naughty word, forgiven for every stray though… this wonderful Jewish carpenter suffered through horrendous beatings and a monstrous death in order to save my soul. Wow. What more could a person say? I think it’s simply AMAZING.
I have decided to start brand new today. Since moving into our new home I have become incredibly lazy, now before you jump to any conclusions this is partly from having to sit around doing homework nonstop (I can’t wait for Christmas break!) and not being able to have the time to do anything else! But then again, there are some moments when I just don’t want to do the laundry, or I don’t want to take the dogs out! That is changing today. I am determined to take a new step in my life and make a better effort. My husband has been so wonderful, I am constantly working on papers and catching up on homework so he dutifully does the laundry, washes the dishes, and does other household chores that I don’t ever seem to have time to do. I have a lot of homework and papers to write tonight, but I AM going to finish washing, drying, folding and putting away the laundry. I WILL make sure there are no dishes in the sink. The puppies will be taken out and I will be patient while they do their business. My house will be clean for once, and I will actually mop those dirty floors and vacuum those dusty rugs. I have a goal and I will meet it. And once that’s done I will make a scrumptious dinner to thank my spectacular husband for being the man of my dreams. Then I will work on my homework.
ps. Prayers might actually help this goal… any takers? 😉
My entire body is aching, my head is pounding, my nose is running, my throat is swollen from coughing, I’m cold and sweaty and I’m so dizzy I literally crawled to the kitchen to get some water this morning. I have been like this since Saturday afternoon. I started feeling “odd” Saturday morning. Luckily I’m on Fall Break until Wednesday… unluckily I have a lot of assignments due on Wednesday that I haven’t even been able to start on due to this illness. I am currently laying on the couch watching the news… I’ve got about 5 blankets on me and I am still shivering… Mudgett is curled around my head and Snickers is wrapped around my feet. I’m so over this. UGH.
I wish things could be easier… just for even a week. I need a job yesterday. Yes, I have had many many interviews, I even got offered a few positions… but what good is a job if I’m driving across the county and only working enough hours to pay for the gas to get to that job and home? Or what good is a job that requires you sell credit cards to earn your hours… that is so unreliable! I put in two resumes/applications in the past week. One application was for Aldi, they pay REALLY well. The other I sent my resume to was for a church about 45 minutes from here for a position that consists of helping with the youth, worship and administrative duties. I’d love either job. I called Aldi this morning, and apparently they are still taking apps and not ready to call anyone just yet. I have gotten several emails from the pastor at the church, but they are all emails with additional questions about my work experience and history. I am so frustrated, overwhelmed and exhausted with applying for jobs. And honestly life is just pissing me off right now. I love my husband. He is GREAT. But I don’t think he understands how much work I’m putting into school right now. Going to school is a full time job with overtime. If you add up the hours I am in class with the hours I am studying and doing homework… on average I’m working almost 60 hours a week. NO KIDDING. I was a little alarmed with that number when I added it up! And I have to get a PT job. I have told my husband over and over, please keep looking for a PT job in case I can’t find one… and obviously I haven’t found one yet. But apparently it would be too much for him to work 2 jobs… but its NOT too much for me to do my 60 hrs of school AND work a PT job? I’m sorry but I think that’s a little backwards. I know he blames me for the situation we’re in. He says it’s not my fault, but I know that he still blames me. I’m the one that took the job in TN, I’m the one that got laid off, and I’m the one who has yet to find a job. My decision to go back to school was a long thought out plan, I prayed about it and talked with my friends and family about it… and I came to the final decision to go back to school to make a better life for my husband and I… and our future family. But I don’t think Justin realizes that I can’t just breeze through school and get my degree. I have to work my butt off! I am so tired of everything that is going on right now. There are some days when I just want to throw up my hands and say “I quit!” to school, to church, to all the things I have commited myself too. Today is just one of those days that I want to quit… and give up. Days like today are days when I feel like God is testing me… and frankly I hate it. I’m ready for a new life. I’m tired of looking at other people’s lives and saying “Why not me?” Why can’t we get out of this rut? Why can’t we get out of this hole we have dug for ourselves? I have cried out for my Lord so many times, and even though I know He hears me… it doesn’t feel like He’s listening. I need a day of good things. Why does earth have to be so crappy? Days like today I want to grab Eve and slap her a few good times. I’m just ready for some changes. I’m thankful we have a roof over our heads and that we have food to eat… but I’m just hoping we continue to have those things.
Also, two days from now would have been my Papaw’s 84th birthday… I miss you Papaw, Happy Birthday!