If you’ve been around my blog for a while then you know how hard of a time we had with Boogie when it came to naps and sleeping. I was adamant from the beginning that we would never allow her to cry it out or leave her if she needed comfort. I guess you could say we practice attachment parenting in that, and really many other aspects of parenting. You read everywhere how children will never learn to self soothe if you don’t let them CIO, well I’m here to say that I have proven those naysayers WRONG. We have always comforted Boogie, held her, rocked her, nursed her, loved on her, sat with her… did whatever we could to ensure that she knew we were there for her as she fell asleep. My daughter turned 2 a few weeks ago and she is officially putting herself to sleep without us in the room with her. She does whine and sometimes pitches a fit (mainly during naptime), but she doesn’t cry out of discomfort or fear. She lays down, squeezes her Ocean Wonders Soothe and Glow Seahorse so that it lights up and plays music, pulls her blanket up to her chin and lays there until she falls asleep. Granted, there are evenings when she is ornery and sneaks out of bed to play, or sits up in her bed saying, “Mommy. Daddy. Mommy. Daddy. Water? Hungry!” She’s figured out how to stretch her awake time as long as possible, but lucky for us we’re just a wee bit smarter, lol. On average it takes her about 15-20 minutes to fall asleep. So there. I’m sticking my tongue out at all of these professionals who swear up and down that CIO is the only way to go. We do sit with her or hold her when she is genuinely upset, like last week when she wasn’t feeling well. But other than that kind of instance, she’s on her own. My independent 2 year old. How did that happen?
I am at a complete loss. It doesn’t matter what time this child goes to bed… either a noisy neighbor is waking her up or she’s getting up at her own at 5am every freaking morning. I’m exhausted. Granted, J gets up with Boogie most mornings, but on his double shift days I do. I stay up doing homework, and at this stage in my pregnancy I’m not sleeping well anymore. I toss and turn (or should I say flop? because that’s what it feels like now) all night, I don’t have a restful sleep… I’m burnt out. I’m short with her, I’m impatient with her, I snap at her…. and I HATE that. She doesn’t understand obviously but she does know that mommy is upset and somehow it’s her fault. So she gets upset and then has a bad rest of the day. What do I do? How can we get her to sleep longer? We’ve tried earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes, making her room dark, allowing the hall light in her room, later naps, earlier naps…. nothing is working! What am I going to do when I’m awake every few hours with Bubby and even more tired than I am now and she does this?
When I was pregnant with Boogie, I was tired all. the. time. Not only was I tired, but I was sick all. the time. I never got that boost of energy you hear about in second trimester, and although I did “nest” at the end of second trimester and the beginning of third, it took a lot out of me getting her room ready and everything. This time around, as soon as I hit about 14 weeks and my nausea went away I found so much energy! I got the house clean EVERY day! Dinner was cooked when J got home… it was amazing. Now I’m 25 weeks and 2 days and two weeks away from third trimester, and I have no energy. None. Nadda. Zilch. And the timing is awful.
I’ve mentioned it before, but this is my last semester at the local community college and I’ll finally be done with my Associate’s Degree (just general education). I’m taking TWO Biology classes and a literature class, because that is ALL I lack to graduate! Luckily they are all online so I can stay ahead and get as much done before Bubby arrives… but now I’m dreading how hard it’s going to be with Boogie being a toddler and getting into everything and this new exhaustion I’m feeling. Today was rough. I left the same time J did for work to go pick up my books from the bookstore at school, and after waiting in line for 45 minutes I was told that there was a lock on my account and I’d need to go speak to financial aid. Wonderful. Up until this point Boogie was being a very good girl. Waited in financial aid for 45 minutes with about 40 other people, who a vast majority of were waiting for the same reason I was, to be told that it was a simple misunderstanding and to go try again. Luckily the guy who tried checking me out before didn’t make me wait in line again and held my books for me until I came back. So about 2 hours later with a grumpy, hungry and sleepy toddler I was finally on my way… to my other errands.
There are only a few things we have left to purchase for Bubby. Main thing being a car seat, which I found the one I wanted at Babies R Us and it’s on sale… so hopefully getting that on Friday. Other than that we lack a baby bath tub (we didn’t use one with Boogie, we actually showered with her… but I don’t see that being remotely possibly this time around), baby mittens (love those things), medela milk storage bags, bibs, and his coming home outfit. So I wanted to price a few things, including other things we don’t necessarily need but I’d like to have, and then was going to come home and eat lunch. We got home later than planned, and ending up going to see mom at school (teacher work day)… that was a disaster. Boogie has become a very sensitive little girl and burst into tears when the main teacher mom works with was discussing changes to the room with my mom (they are both loud… we think Boogie thought he was angry with mom or something)… then the other assistant mom works with acted like she was crying (thinking it would make Boogie laugh) and she burst into tears… AGAIN. Yikes! I knew we needed to eat soon, so mom and the other assistant said it was fine to leave Boogie with them while I ran across the street to get us some lunch before heading to mom’s house. I was gone MAYBE 15 minutes… and came back to Boogie in tears AGAIN! Needless to say… I was done for the day.
Things were better once we got to mom’s, but I was exhausted. Boogie took a cat nap on the porch on my lap and then woke up long enough to play with them for a bit before mom left for her part time job. Now we’re home… and luckily Boogie sat in my arms long enough for me to doze for a minute (I’m a light sleeper, she moves I wake up… works out well!) but I think that just made me feel worse!
So anyways, this new exhaustion hitting me is NOT fun. It doesn’t make anything easy and I’m praying that I’ll get through this semester and be able to graduate! Thanks for reading my mumble jumble of a vent. At least I’m almost in the last trimester…. right?
I really haven’t had a great week. One thing I hate about being pregnant is how emotional it makes me, all my feelings and emotions become overpowering sometimes and this week has been the worst week I’ve had in quite a while. Boogie is very much like me, she is stubborn, headstrong, and all of that on top of being a toddler who struggles to communicate what she wants (despite having a huge vocabulary) equals a little girl who is absolutely miserable most days. She fights me to take naps (and while some have given me the advice to NOT fight her on this, I have to disagree… if I don’t fight her she doesn’t sleep, if she doesn’t sleep she is grumpy all day, this in turn ends in a frustrating fight to get her to sleep at night. If I don’t fight her to sleep at night she stays up ALL night, NO joke.), she is at an age where she is trying to hold her own and test me… slowly she is learning that when mommy says “NO.” it means no, but it’s a struggle. Time-outs are a frequent commodity in our household… but I’m determined that spanking is not going to happen in our family and that peaceful parenting is the way to go. What scares me is how violent she is with herself when she gets frustrated. She bangs her head against walls and on the floor, she scratches, smacks, and pinches herself… all in frustration. I have been good about remaining calm, comforting her and talking to her… but it’s hard.
Beyond that however, Boogie is a good girl… really. She’s so smart, she learns so much just in one day and is just getting to be such a big girl. But as much as I love her, I will say that even though I enjoy being with her and having her company all the time… I need more adult interaction. We are a one car family right now, it’s not really a choice, it’s just the way it has to be right now. On top of that in an apartment in another building beside us a new family moved in with a pit bull. Now, before I go on… I don’t believe all pit bull’s are bad or mean or dangerous. This dog however has been let outside without a restraint multiple times and has attacked people and a CHILD in our neighborhood and NOBODY has called the cops on them. I have called but according to them, unless I witness an incident first hand then there’s nothing I can do. So, therefore I am terrified to take my child on a walk, take her outside to play, or even just a walk down to our mailbox to check the mail. Combine that with J taking the car to work (because he gets up VERY early) and you have a mommy and daughter who are stuck in an apartment and MISERABLE. It’s taking a toll on me, and it’s obviously taking a toll on my little girl. I don’t know what to do anymore… we’re just stuck. I’m hoping and praying that when our lease is up in March (which is TOO long from now) that we will be able to find a house with 3 bedrooms to rent… I need a yard for Boogie to run in and an oasis that I feel free to walk outside in. I’m over all this… I’m SO ready to have this baby, get through the holidays and be done with this neighborhood and done with being stuck in the apartment ALL the time.
Please pray for me and please pray for my daughter… I hope that she can start communicating a little better and get rid of some of the frustrations she feels.
Day 19: Something You’re Proud of From the Last Few Days
Not really the last FEW days, but in the past week Boogie started sleeping in her big girl bed, and she’s doing SO well! I can’t believe how easy the transition was! She’s growing so fast and before we know it she will be a big sister!