Summer Blog Challenge, Day 5

Going Green with the Grizls

┬áToday’s challenge is to share my short term goals this month and why I have those goals.

  • Find out the baby’s gender and start getting room decor ready! Why? Because I am always overly prepared… I will be almost 19 weeks when we find out the gender, that’s almost halfway through my pregnancy! When I was pregnant with Boogie I had her room ready at 33 weeks, but the decor was ready way before that. This little one won’t have his/her own room yet, but a section of our room will be dedicated to Sissy or Bubby. I want to take the same time and effort we did with Boogie’s room for this little one as well. I have lots of fun ideas up my sleeve!
  • Make a final decision about sleeping arrangements for Boogie. This has been really hard for me. We’ve decided to not co-sleep this go around, as much as I loved those all night snuggles with Boogie, and how much easier it was to nurse her that way… the fact is that nobody but Boogie slept well (and she even started not sleeping well around 8 or 9 months). And transitioning her to her crib was a nightmare… you can say what you want, I know that both ends of this argument can get nasty. This is our decision, we think it’s best! Anyways, we want to use a crib after the first few months of using the co-sleeper… but that means getting Boogie out of her crib and into a toddler bed or twin size bed. Eek! I keep going back and forth and it’s driving me insane!

Those are really the only goals for this month… after this month they’ll start adding up though!

What A Roller Coaster…

Nothing is more frustrating than when your child won’t sleep. This is something we have struggled with from the beginning. Sure, we’ve had our good nights, we’ve even had one night in the past few weeks when Boogie slept 8 hours straight (that was a WONDERFUL night)! I debated on whether I should even post this because it seems like anytime I mention sleep issues with someone (even our pediatrician) their immediate response is “Oh, just let her CIO, she’ll be fine!” or “you’re spoiling her by going to her when she cries” or even “stop nursing her so much and maybe she’ll sleep!”. No offense to anyone, but that’s NOT helpful.

Last night was my confirmation that CIO doesn’t work for my daughter. After sleeping for 3 hours, at 10pm Boogie woke up and I could not get her back to sleep. She pitched a full out temper tantrum. I couldn’t hold her, I couldn’t comfort her, so I set her in the floor and let her pitch her fit until she was done. After about 20 minutes she finally finished, laid back against me and fell asleep. Only problem was that in order to get her up I had to move her and then stand up… which of course woke her up. Since she was at least still calm, I rocked her and nursed her and praised the Lord that she fell back asleep so easily. At least I thought it was easily. The moment I laid her down her eyes popped open and she went into another screaming fit. So I went through the same cycle again. And what happened? Her eyes popped open AGAIN. I hate asking J to get up on nights when he has to work early the next morning, but after an hour of this I didn’t know what else to do. So he went in and held her, she would quiet down for a few minutes and then all of a sudden she’d start screaming again! We THINK her gums were hurting her, she kept grabbing her mouth and point in it, so although I am not a fan of Tylenol we gave her some in the hopes that maybe it would help her with the pain, relax her and help her sleep. Nights like this I could care less whether I sleep, I care more that my daughter is in pain and isn’t resting well! She calmed down again for about 15 minutes but then J couldn’t get her to sleep… so at this point I’m getting pretty frustrated.

As a side note, my spring semester of classes started up last week and the only time I have to get my homework done (I take online classes) is in the evenings. We’re talking 4-8 hours of work here EVERY night. I hadn’t finished everything I needed to do, so I decided to just let Boogie run around the living room, get any energy out that she had so I could finish my homework. In the back of my mind I hoped that she would wear herself out and just lay down and go to sleep. Ha! Yea, right. At 11:00, after realizing that while playing she had basically squished every bit of urine out of her night time diaper, I changed her jammies and diaper, read her a book, prayed with her, and sang to her while rocking her. She fell asleep. But as soon as I went to move her so I could lay her down her eyes popped open! BOOGIE! So I held her and rocked her and sang “You Are My Sunshine” over and over and over. Nothing seemed to work. I tried sitting in the floor again. I tried holding her, but she just pushed me away. You could tell she was exhausted, she was constantly rubbing her eyes, pulling on her ears (Boogie has always done this when she’s tired, the indicator of an ear infection for her was digging in her ears, not pulling), but she continued to pitch tantrum after tantrum. At this point, I didn’t know what to do. So I put her in her crib.

When I put her in the crib she cried. Then she fussed. Then she screamed. But her crying and fussing was entirely a tantrum, so I didn’t feel bad about letting her “CIO” at this point. I sat in the rocking chair and sang. The only song that has ever helped me get her to sleep is the same song that my own mom sang to me. I really should learn the rest of the lyrics though, because I only two… and they get really old after 2 hours of singing it. Boogie did everything to keep herself awake. Head-butting her bed, walking around her crib holding onto the side. Throwing herself back onto the bed (this part was a little frightening, I was afraid she was going to whack her head on the crib). At 12:15am, after an hour of letting her get her anger and frustrations out, she really started to cry. Typically a mother can distinguish her child’s cries… Boogie has a “mommy milk” cry, a “I’m in pain” cry, a “I’m not getting my way” cry, and her hilarious fake cry (which I really need to video tape…). The cry she had at this point was the “I just need you mommy” cry. Huge tears pouring down her face, plopped in the middle crib looking defeated… she was finally ready for my cuddles. I was so relieved. I hate when she gets to the point where my cuddling doesn’t help her. So, I grabbed my girl out of her crib, held her close, nursed her to her heart’s content… and she was asleep. Dreamy, lips still puckered as if still nursing, hands above her head, sprawled out and completely asleep. Thank you GOD.

I truly believe that if I had continued to let Boogie cry she would have continued to keep herself awake. I don’t know why Boogie acted the way she did last night, normally I can calm her down a lot faster than I was able too… but for whatever reason last night was a rough night. I was hoping that after all that she would sleep for several hours, but after about 2 hours she was up again. Then another 2 hours… and then another 2 hours. So at 6am I gathered her in my arms, sleepily trudged into the living room, fell back into the recliner and the two of us slept til 8am this morning.

You can think what you want… I can’t make you think otherwise, but I have high hopes that at some point this whole sleep thing will just click for my baby girl. It’s obvious that she CAN and is able to sleep for long stretches, but at this point if she wants/needs mommy’s comfort, if she wants/needs mommy’s milk… then I will offer it to her. My mother says I was as rotten about sleep as Boogie is, and I love sleep now. So… even if it’s not til my child is in her 20’s… someday she WILL sleep!

Poop Happens.

Yea, I said poop. I don’t curse, otherwise I’d say something else! I have never been more sick of changing poopy nasty diapers than this week… I have even been tempted to just go buy a box of disposables until this tummy thing is OVER! But I KNOW that those sposies would never hold all this poo like her cloth do. Ay yi yi. I have gone through more cloth this week than when Boogie was a newborn… I’ve washed 4 loads of diapers already this week…. and on a normal week I’d have just now washed a 3rd load…. but today. I’ll be washing the 5th load. Ew. What’s worse is that Boogie NEVER poops at night, but now because of this bug or whatever it is she has, she sleeps a 4-5 hour stretch (which is AWESOME), wakes up to nurse, and then poops. Then what does she do? She’s up for the day… there’s no getting this girl back to sleep. So we’ve been up since 4am, I’ve got a load of clothes washing… and as soon as those are done, her next load of diapers will be washed. Boogie’s watching a Veggie Tales movie while I drink a glass of water and pretend it has loads of caffeine in it and pray that in about an hour or two we can both lay on the couch and take a long LONG nap.

Too Much Going On!

I hate nights like these when I’m absolutely exhausted, but I just can’t seem to get my brain to shut off long enough to drift to sleep. There’s so many life changing events that are kind of up in the air at the moment, we’re not sure how everything will pan out so that has left me a wee bit stressed out… among other things. I am constantly thinking about the possibility of moving and how it might affect Boogie… we’ve struggled with getting her to sleep in her own room, so I wonder if moving into a new home with a new room in an unfamiliar place will throw her for a loop. Then I think about how Christmas AND Boogie’s birthday is just 2 months away and how everyone expects us to be here and there and in between… which most likely will not be happening. Despite J having to work on Christmas Day, I think we’re still going to spend the day at home and not venture out. I hate having to go 24/7 to please everyone, and it’s really not fair to Boogie to have to get her in and out of the car when everyone should be coming to see her, rather than going to see them…. right?

I guess I’m rambling a lot… but I needed to get all of this off my chest in the hopes that I might be able to zonk out for about 20 minutes before Boogie wakes up AGAIN. (And no, I’m not being sarcastic, it truly could be 20 minutes). So… I’m stressed. Lord, please be with me these next few weeks! I need you now more than ever!

Dear Boogie…

Dear Boogie,

I love you. You’re beautiful…. but please for goodness sakes STOP SCREAMING AT ME! You’re okay. Mommy is two feet away on the other side of the gate. I’m doing laundry. YOUR laundry. I’m washing the diapers and your onsies, and your pants and socks and all the little pieces of clothing you dirty up on a daily basis. You can also stop following me into the bathroom every time I have to pee. It’s okay for mommy to pee ALONE. Seriously… it’s okay for mommy to step away for two seconds to have some alone time, it’s okay to sit and play with your toys while mommy gets some things done. I will play with you the rest of the day! I will nurse you! And feed you! And change your yucky diapers! I promise! I know you like to stay with me 24/7 and sometimes I wear you so that you CAN be with me at all times… but today, I need to step away and just be by myself! Okay? So really… stop shrieking!

Love mommy.

Seriously. All day. All day my daughter has been screaming at me. And all I have done is step to the other side of the gate to put a load of laundry in the dryer. I’ve tried to put her down for her first nap THREE times today, and she refuses to sleep! The only time she’s been happy today is when she’s attached to my boob. At this very moment she is standing at the other side of our room separation gate and screaming blood murder at me because I’m ignoring her. I just want 5 minutes! So I’m blogging and ignoring her. Mother of the year award! Now… time to try nap attempt #4.